I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
