Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
So apparently I’m into choking now
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
