If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I think my fart just growled at me.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
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just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
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I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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