I think my fart just growled at me.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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