When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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