How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
