then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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