She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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