I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
