You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
