no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
