She went from zero to smokin in five shots
operation have a gay friend backfired
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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