I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
