I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
