fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I party with great urgency now.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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