butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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