We should be called the Road Head Warriors
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
