i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
