i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
