On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
