every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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