Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
