found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Enjoy the penises
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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