This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Randomize
