i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize