If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Someone came in the potted fern
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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