I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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