just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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