We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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