I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
