Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
