Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
