how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
