Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
