Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
