Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
