I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
