:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
