I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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