I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
