I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
