So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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