U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
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