ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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