I love black thongs
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
