You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
