She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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