i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
