I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
