i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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