i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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