his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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