yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
