i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
organizing the empties. That sober.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
