if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
what day is it and did you see me today?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Randomize
