I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
