I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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