No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
