Got a toothbrush?
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
